i have to say.
that i’m pretty lucky when it comes to some things. while the rest of my so-called life i basically shit, somehow i still have something to look forward to. i love my best friend amber. she’s the love of my life. and she’s napping right next to me. she doesn’t know how pretty and amazing she is. but then again, i’ve told that to so many people. and so many people have told that to me. it’s just a really difficult thing to believe about yourself. well anyway, there’s nothing i wouldn’t do for her. she’s the best. we did e yesterday and stayed up all night doing blow. it was the best. :] then there’s my other best friend aaron. i love him a lot too. he’s probably one of the only people that can actually cheer me up. and i have jamie lee to keep me company through those sleepness nights, in a way. i love all my other friends. i’d love to write a whole list right now, but it’d be pointless. you definitely know who you are. i’ll never forget all the bugged out triple c moments, the peaks off ecstasy, the lines of coke, the bars of xanax, sausy nights and high times. i wonder what my life would’ve been like if i never started doing drugs. would i ever even know that some of these people even existed? would i even get along with them? i’ve done drugs so much that it’s become a part of my personality. it’s like the really weird things that you tend to do when you’re on c’s or whatever it may be. well, i do them even when i’m sober in front of my friends, and i don’t even feel weird about it. i love it. i don’t want to lose it. we all have these problems. everyone fucking has problems, even sober people. i feel like if i’m not fulfulling my life to the most extent, i might as well not even live. well, the way i enjoy myself is by using drugs recreationally. this entry is kind of all over the place. but there’s just so much on my mind right now. i never really talk about my life, i realized. even to the closest people to me. i just don’t want to ruin my mood. if i’m away from home, then i want all thoughts of that place to be completely gone too. to all those people who think they know what’s going on, or try to compare either their life or someone elses troubles to mines, well all i have to say is fuck you. it doesn’t make me feel better, it makes us BOTH feel worse. i’m a pretty secretive/closed off person. my own fucking brother doesn’t even know anything about me and i share a room with him. all i’m going to say is that my parents and my brother are vile, rotton human beings. i’m not a mean person. i just don’t like being mean to people. i don’t like to bother people, or waste anyone’s time. i think it’s probably cause i hate people who do.
anyways, i’m gonna go smoke a cigarrette. maybe i’ll write something later
1 year ago • Notes